24 Signs you're a Londoner
Being a Londoner is a lifestyle. Whilst some of us are native Londoners, many come to London and become indoctrinated in the lifestyle, and we are all Londoners alike! Here are some sure signs you are indeed a Londoner…
You are outraged by slow walkers and will actively walk swiftly past them!
You know where to get on the train to be right in front of the exit at your destination station or exchange point. #Resourceful.
You are so familiar with the sound of the London Underground tube doors closing you have dreamt about it.
You know in most cases saying ‘good morning ‘ to a stranger will only be met with very strange looks.
A mouse running on the London Underground platform at the speed of light does not phase you. As a Londoner, you come to terms with the fact that mice live amongst us in the city. Tragic but true.
Any form of queue jumping appals you. The sin of all sins!
Bank holiday Monday means bars are open later on Sunday? Right?
You find yourself getting frustrated when someone can't get through the tube barrier but keeps tapping their card on the machine holding everyone up at rush hour. Surely they know they need to step back before trying again?!
You are fuming when people get on the tube escalators and stand on both sides having a chat. Don’t they know that they need to stand at the right!
You are quite happy to BARK ‘can you move further down the carriage!’, if you are unable to get on a busy train and there space is available. However, you are also quite unimpressed if someone barks this at you when there is NO space available for you to or anyone to move.
You know which ‘no entry’ signs at the tube station will lead to a nice shortcut to the platform.
You are appalled by the prices of umbrellas in Boots. It always seems to rain when you are near a Boots
You consider waiting more than 3 minutes for a tube a travesty! This very irrational level of impatience calls into question why we are paying so much for our season ticket? We want answers!
You have never visited some of London’s main attractions that tourists queue hours and hours to go to. Tower of London, Westminster Cathedral, a tour of Buckingham Palace. You simply cannot because you are just too busy!
You’ll never go to Oxford Street on a weekend after 2 pm. You are far too wise to get involved in such a crowded affair. The same can be said for Covent Garden.
You complain about the cold winters in the same manner you complain about the hot summers. Climate change is real!
You will have a pub session any day of the week. We are Londoners who are overworked and stressed. We need stress relief.
You find tourists to be a nuisance. Sorry we said it. They are in the way during rush hour, they want direction when you are late for a meeting, and they make Oxford Street busy when you are just trying to nip into Topshop to get some tights. It’s a massive frustration when you are in a rush.
You get extremely impatient when tube staff block access to a station platform because the platform is too busy. You frantically ask yourself where is everyone going? How can they not already be at work by now? You need answers!
You are enraged by someone who gets to the ticket barrier and doesn’t have their oyster card ready. Meanwhile you have been frantically shuffling through your bag or pockets on the escalator to find yours. This person’s lack of organisation is offensive..
You love the inspirational message on tube boards, but you never have time to read them live so you read them on Instagram.
You are unimpressed with people with poor tube etiquette, and who push onto the tube before you have got off at your station.
You love to complain about the London property market.
You love to complain about London life but you aren’t impressed when people who do not live in the city are willing to bash your city. You are a loyal Londoner!
Global cinema platform MUBI and intersectional feminist publication Polyester kicked off Halloween week with a hauntingly glamorous launch event for the much-anticipated body-horror film The Substance at The Standard.